Indecent Proposal
by ATLiens
Summary: Annie's taking a summer class on human sexuality but realizes she has limited knowledge on the subject...will Jeff offer her instruction?  3/3 plus Epilogue.
1. Like Spearfishing with a Skipping Rope

**Disclaimer: Community and its wonderful characters are property of Dan Harmon and NBC.**

**Spoilers: Some for a few S1 episodes, as well as Early 21c. Romanticism, Intro to Poli Sci, Conspiracy Theories, Custody Law and EE Diplomacy and Cooperative Calligraphy...but really would you be here if you hadn't seen those episodes? Probably not, but I have to mention possible spoilers anyways.**

**This fanfic is very loosely autobiographical.**

**Mention(s) of fellatio and female arousal, as such this is rated T, for Teen.**

**Takes place after (alleged upcoming) paintball finale, but has been in the writing process since just after Asian Population Studies. There may or may not be inconsistencies.**

**First one, reviews appreciated.**

-Indecent Proposal-

1) Like Spearfishing with a skipping rope.

_Finals Week..._

Two hours earlier, the modest classroom had been full of students, including several of his peers who had also taken Applied Calculus (Chang, Annie, Pierce and Abed had also enrolled in the class…Shirley, Britta and Troy took some class called 'German People'). However, math was something that some people just had a knack for, while others had to work hard just to scrape by, and Jeff Winger was definitely in the latter camp.

He only took this stupid class because he figured that Professor Tavares would be generous with his grade, as he had helped him ensure that his wife didn't clean him out in his divorce a few years ago. It was a decision he regretted; Tavares wouldn't budge, and math was certainly not Jeff Winger's 'thing'.

Even still, after some help from Annie and Pierce (who was shockingly math-savvy), Jeff felt confident in his preparedness. The good thing about math, probably the only good thing, was that you were either right or you were wrong; there was minimal grey-area in the subject.

As of this moment, the only people left writing the exam, Jeff's last of the year, were Annie, Garrett, Starburns, Chang and himself; Annie had probably finished a half an hour ago and was riding it out checking over her work. Time was almost running out as well, but Jeff just had to finish one last equation and…there, done. Applied Calculus, you wouldn't defeat Jeff Winger…

Not a minute later, Professor Tavares looked up from his watch and said 'Time!', everyone - even Annie, no doubt having learned from the last time - put down their pencils and raised their writing hands; even if Chang was certifiably insane and Tavares was a reasonable and easy-going (if not a little bland) man, she had learned not to test her professors.

"Bring your papers to the front and hand them in." Tavares said in a slow droll as everyone rose, "And have a great summer!"

Jeff, his mind wholly on the exam and nothing else, left the room quickly, forgetting that before the exam Annie was giving him 'I need to tell you something important...but not until I'm done with the exam, tee hee!' eyes. Normally Jeff would have recoiled into his shell at the prospect of possibly having to hurt his young (though precociously sexy) friend again, but one thing this year had taught him; he and Annie was probably never going to happen.

...Good... ... ...

He was halfway down the hall when he heard the pitter-patter of small footsteps and his name stretched to two syllables, 'Je-fff!' that he turned around to see Annie, wearing her mustard-colored cardigan (the tightest one she had, damn her) and a medium-length grey skirt.

"Was it good for you?" He said with a lascivious smile, to which she smiled and blushed, looking down and playing with her hair.

"I think I did well, it wasn't too hard." She said, knowing well that her copious notes and overwhelming discipline was going to pay off, "You?"

"I have a feeling that Jeff Winger will maintain his sterling C average." He said with a laugh as she did her 'You're cuter than Justin Bieber!' blush and smile, letting out a quick laugh. Chang materialized out of nowhere behind them.

"How are we doing today, study bitches?" Chang wrapped his arms around both of their shoulders, "Nailed it, NAILED it!", he pumped his fist.

"Uh, we're good..." Jeff said hesitantly, "Actually, Annie had something she wanted to ask me, so I'll see you back at the place?"

"Oh I see." He stepped off and regarded them with scrutiny, "You're throwing me a Chang-up because you need me to leave so you can give Lori-Anne her bi-annual tonguedown in private, I get that..."

Annie squeaked and Jeff's face hardened as for a brief second things felt awkward.

"Well speaking of...that." Jeff said with indifferent cool, "You've been staying with me for two months now...is there going to be a Chang in your living arrangements this summer?", and he mentally facepalmed himself with the end of that sentence.

"Actually yeah..." He said, "I've been talking to my wife lately as you know, and she agreed to take me back. I'll be out of your place in a few days and back to having Changry sex with the Senorita within the week."

"Good…for you…I suppose…don't forget to take your crabs with you." Jeff said he looked down.

"I told you that you'd fall in love with them, you can keep Jeff if you want...but anyways I have to go have a chat with the Dean before he leaves for the furry convention...adios gaywads!"

With that slightly homophobic signoff he left, waving behind him without even looking. Annie now regarded Jeff with a pained expression, like someone told her that she had to take Old Yeller behind the shed for one last walk.

"Wow, living with him must have been excruciating." She said empathetically.

"You have no idea." Jeff reminisced; secretly, other than the kidnapping incident it wasn't that bad. Chang was fairly clean, cooked four nights a week and kept his wearing of Jeff's clothes to a relative minimum (though he did notice that he was missing three pairs of expensive Burberry boxers), but most of all he was company; not always good company, but company nonetheless. He turned his attention back down to Annie, "So, what did you want to ask me?"

They began to walk together through the slowly emptying halls of Greendale, "What are you up to this summer?"

Nervous small talk...how Annie of her, "I'm going to do some consulting for my old firm, work out, maybe go see a friend in Cali and de-Chang my place after he leaves, nothing much, what about you?"

"I'm actually moving back in with my parents, we've reconciled!" She said as she practically hopped up and down in front of him.

"Well that's good news." He wanted to pat her on the head and tell her 'Good job', but he didn't like to demean her like that. He had gotten to know Annie a lot better this year. She was the total opposite of Britta, who put up a tough front to hide her deeply vulnerable and insecure true nature. Annie came off sweet and vulnerable, but in reality was a very strong and independent person.

"Yeah, and I'm taking some summer courses, too...you know...always working Annie!" She gushed again.

"I wouldn't have it any other way..." Jeff said lovingly.

He could hear Annie cooing as she colored.

"...how would I ever pass my courses?"

Her expression turned mock serious, though a trace of a smile still remained on her face as she slapped him in the arm.

"Annieways..." She started before covering her mouth and flushing. Jeff regarded her with an aghast stare.

"Please don't…"

"Sorry..." She straightened out her dark skirt and looked at him again, "Anyways, one of the classes I'm taking is...Human Sexuality…"

Jeff raised his eyebrows, "How un-Annie of you..." He said with his mouth, but his mind realized that it wasn't such a reach; beneath her prim and proper exterior, Annie was very sensual and curious, which he secretly loved.

As he had gotten to know her better, Jeff had seen that there were really two sides to Annie; the innocent and super-feminine side that liked kittens and rainbows and cheesy rom-coms; she was what most people saw every day. The other was a dark, sexy side that liked tattoos and motorcycles and risky sex in public places, as if just seething below the surface of her conservative exterior was a bad girl just aching to be let out of her cage; she was the side of Annie that only came out in extraordinary circumstances, such as when she realized some hippie asshole wasn't good enough for her or she was getting tired of losing her pens.

Jeff both thought and tried not to think this.

"Can I sit you down and ask you a few questions? It won't take long." She askmanded, a term that he had coined, where Annie asked Jeff a favor and used her big, sad eyes, squeaky little voice and petite-but-voluptuous figure to render him unable to refuse her. Normally her askmands were more painful and or embarrassing, so Jeff was happy that this particular one was just a few questions.

"Sure...coffee?" He said, totally unaware of what was happening.

"Yeah, but somewhere off campus?" She preened.

"Alright, let's go."

Twenty minutes later they were at the coffee shop just around the corner, seated with their coffee in front of them in a secluded corner booth. Annie removed a notebook from her backpack and one of her signature purple pens and placed them side-by-side. Jeff had noticed that this particular notebook was blank; a fact which Annie tried (and failed) to hide by flipping to the middle of it.

"So..." She blushed and faded. She wanted to smile but to Jeff it looked like a mix of jittery nerves and fear had drained the color from her face.

"So..." He said inquisitively.

"How old were you when you had your first sexual experience?" She asked, hushing her voice when she said 'sexual'.

"What do you mean by 'sexual experience'?" He asked, lowering his voice when he said 'sexual' to mock her. She smiled and rolled her eyes.

"You know…Intercourse?" She whispered.

"Okay Annie." Jeff locked eyes with her and noticed her eye contact failing, "How do you plan to pass a class when you can't even talk about the subject matter without lowering your voice and blushing?"

"I didn't think there would be too much oral work in the class..."

"A sexuality class with no oral work, I'm glad I'm not taking it." Jeff laughed to himself as Annie colored like a tomato, "But even if there isn't a lot of...oral work, you don't think the cute young A-student who sits at the front of every lecture will ever have to answer questions? There won't be any presentations? No dioramas? No group work? That is an egregious oversight for you, you study and dissect course descriptions a month in advance before you decide which classes to take."

Annie looked shocked, as if she had been hit by a big revelation, "You're right!" and she rose ready to grab her bag, "The deadline to drop summer classes is eight P.M, I can still make the admissions office if I leave now...", but she was stopped when Jeff gently grabbed her hand, and she sat down once again. How did he do that? She wondered. How did he always make her feel stronger than she was?

They sat in discomfort, or at least Annie did for a full minute, before Jeff looked at her again. "Say Sex, Annie..."

She looked at him for a second, "Sex..." she whispered and blushed.

"Say it louder or I swear I'll turn this car around..."

She looked startled at this idea, before sitting up straight (and sticking out her ample chest), "Sex?" she said more loudly.

"A little better, a little better" Jeff said with encouragement, "Now say Penis."

"Je-fff!" She pouted, "I'm not saying the...p-word.", and what was adorable was that she even lowered her voice to say 'p-word'.

"What? You think anatomy isn't going to be part of the curriculum?" He laughed as he said this, "A penis is pretty important with regards to sexuality...Abed has one, Troy has one, Vaughan has one, I have one, Pierce probably even has one."

She covered her ears and flushed an even brighter shade of pink, right as he said his name; he had to wait a second before she removed them to continue, but Jeff definitely picked this up, "I'm not here to judge you, Annie, you asked for my help. Consider it a privilege, because you're one of maybe four people who I would even bother to help in the first place."

She realized he was right and took a second to regain her composure, before looking him in the eyes, "Penis?" She said in a voice above a whisper.

"Now Vagina..."

"Vagina?" She said, louder this time. She smiled and adjusted her posture proudly.

"See? It's not so bad, you'll be fine, Edison."

"Yeah...I will be." She said, before writing something in her notebook, "So are you ready to get back to the questions?"

"Bring it on."

"Okay, so, the age that you first had sex?" And she said it without lowering her voice.

"I was twelve" He answered her.

"Gross!" She made a 'yuck!' sound.

"I developed sexually at a very early age, Annie. When I was twelve I was five-foot eleven and I weighed 160 pounds. I was ready, I could handle it."

"When I was twelve I was four-foot seven with a backbrace and no boobs." She said with remorse, while at the same time wondering what Jeff was like when he was twelve; he was probably cute and popular and well-loved by all, like Troy only white and with a triple-digit IQ.

"And even though you didn't get any taller, you have wonderful posture, and…" He unwittingly cast a brief, sly look down at her chest, where a small bit of cleavage beckoned him. Annie noticed and made a shocked gasp but hardly moved to cover herself, "You developed pretty nicely…"

She colored once more and was visibly awkward, but at the same time she smiled a flattered grin and brushed a strand of hair aside, "Okay, question two; have you ever had an experience with a member of the same sex?"

Jeff looked at her incredulously, "Pierce put you up to that one?"

"This is strictly confidential; Pierce is the last person I'd tell...well the second last after Shirley."

"Well it's not a big deal, there's nothing to tell; I've never had a homosexual experience and plan to keep it that way."

She jotted his answer down, "I was 99% sure on that one but I had to ask. Are you ready for the third and final question?"

"Hit me with it."

"How many sexual partners have you had in your lifetime?" She asked innocently...or did she? He used his lawyer-sense to see if there was some sort of ulterior motive behind this question, as their often was, but Annie was getting very good at covering her tracks; he came up with nothing, so he went to his default mode.

"Pass." He dismissed the question as he took a sip of coffee.

"Je-fff!" she prepared to askmand him once more, but he stopped her short.

"Annie that is such a loaded question." Jeff began one of his patented speeches, "If you were Troy or Abed, I would give you an honest answer and then we'd high-five and laugh, I might even tell a few stories, but you're..."

"A Unicorn..." She said in shame as she lowered her face to the table.

"A girl, Annie." He said, "And this isn't the first time a girl has asked me that question, and in my experience there is no right answer, so I deflect it with whatever means are available...usually sex, sometimes flowers and gifts, and actually once with a weekend trip to Cabo."

"I'm not trying to do something underhanded with you Jeff." She squeaked, finally looking up, "It's just for my research."

"How do you know I won't lie?"

"You would lie?"

"Well as I said; no right answer. If it's too low you think I'm a loser. If it's too high you think I'm gross. What's my recourse here?"

"I can assure you that your results are confidential...and I'm not judging you..." She stammered, putting on her formidable face, "And if you must know, I'm doing some pre-emptive research so I can get some rough numbers, I'm going to be asking Troy, Abed, Pierce, Britta, Shirley and some other people after I talk to you."

"Well I'm so glad I could be your first." Jeff said in his normal voice; cocky and smarmy with just a hint of subterfuge and sarcasm. Annie blushed noticeably and looked at the ground for a second.

"Je-ffffffffff!" She pouted adorably.

"Alright, alright, just give me a second." He laughed and raised his hand, before locking up inside his own head...so many memories, so many girls...mostly beautiful, some average and a very few less than average, he tried to block most of those out as he came up with a rough number.

When he was young he kept score, but the older he got, the more it seemed like it was unnecessary; what exactly was he trying to prove? How immature he was?

Of course he remembers certain milestones; he lost his virginity at 12, but Annie didn't need to know it was totally a lucky bounce. He was staying with his aunt when his 15-year old cousin had a party, and he didn't even try, or even have to...it just happened.

He had his first threesome with his sexually-curious type-A ex-girlfriend Claire and her bisexual, busty friend Allie when he was 24, but that had ended horribly; he dumped Claire and was with Allie within a month.

He slept with his (estimated) 100th woman when he was 29, a young, redheaded intern at the old firm, but he was the type of guy who remembers his sex life by the experience more than by which number she was.

"The real and honest answer, are you ready for it?" He asked, building up her suspense.

"I am..." She said timidly.

"About 130, plus or minus a few" He answered with a smirk...the ladies love Jeff Winger and he gets more play than _Dark Side of the Moon._

A shocked and almost disgusted look came across her face as she curled her mouth and he smiled, "Jeff! Gross! That's like a third of the female population of Greendale!"

"It's not that bad, Annie." He assured her; why was it bad? "I first had sex at 12, I'm 33, that's just over six women a year for twenty-one years, one every two months. I've been at Greendale for sixteen months, and in that time there was 'Mommy', Tube top REM concert, Slater, Amber, Britta, that annoying kid's mom, Quendra and Rebecca…If anything I'm at least consistent."

"I know all of those except Rebecca.' She asked, writing something down.

"I met Becky in the health center when I found out I had high cholesterol." He confirmed for her, "We went out a few times after Nurse Jackie tried to give her a pap smear, she was very nurturing and adventurous...but she has a boyfriend."

"Well even still...gross!" She crossed her arms...but for a second, just one second, he swore that he saw a devious smile creep across her face and vanish into the ether. He wondered what she was thinking; her feelings to him hadn't fully died (after finding out about him and Britta, he was 'gross' for all of twenty minutes) and they may have even been mutual...

Or was she just realizing that two of those girls, Quendra and Rebecca, were around the same age as she was which would make his objections null?

In reality Quendra is 25 and Rebecca is 23. Annie is still just 20...and _Annie._

They both simultaneously took a sip of coffee as tension began to swim in the air. When they both placed it down and looked everywhere but at each other, Jeff was the first to speak.

"What about you?" He asked.

"What about me what?" She asked in mock ignorance, but Jeff's head-tilt told her exactly what he meant.

She hesitated for a second; should she be honest with him, as he had with her even as much as it pained him, or should she lie? She hated being branded a Unicorn, hated always being thought of as a little-girl; innocent little Annie, prudish and Jewish, repressed and constantly upset.

But Jeff was different; more than anyone else in the group, he saw her as an adult...sure, they couldn't be together because of their age (his choice, not hers), but he was always mostly respectful of her and always listened to what she had to say, but most of all, he never let her have it both ways; She couldn't demand to be treated like an adult while still enjoying the perks of childhood with him, and at times this got messy (such as the time she told the Dean that Chang was a fraud and he screamed at her), but still...it felt nice to be seen as a peer and not a burden, even if it was just with him.

Even now, he and she could speak relatively frankly about sex, without him judging her (like Shirley), advancing on her (like Pierce), comparing her to a TV character (like Abed), totally missing the point (like Troy) or treating her with kid gloves (like Britta).

"I've never had sex before..." She finally revealed a revelation which made Jeff's pupils dilate.

"I thought I heard about some gay boyfriend from high school, what was that about?"

"Well...It was a week after I got out of rehab. I lost 40 pounds and my skin cleared up, and my high school boyfriend Lance called me." She started, blushing on queue like clockwork as she did, "His parents were out of town so I went over, and I knew...I mean, I suspected he might have been gay before, but then before I knew it we were on the floor of his walk-in closet, kissing and embracing, Madonna playing on his iPod, and he pulled off my panties and his boxers, and...and...and..."

Jeff had the weirdest boner; she was being surprisingly detailed and unabashed about her one sexual experience, he should take a picture because this was like finding Bigfoot, "Yeah, and then what happened?"

She looked at him and was aware of his state, "And...nothing..."

Jeff took a second to glean her blank, melancholy expression, as well as his knowledge of the human sexual act, a look of realization crossed his face. "Like spearfishing with a skipping rope, huh?"

She slapped him on the shoulder again, but she started to slightly smile, "Jeff, it's not funny!"

"Like going on safari with a water gun?" He said with a snicker, "It's a little funny, Annie."

He regretted saying this as soon as she seemed hurt, "Because of that experience I had no confidence; after rehab I was a changed person, but I was still Little Annie Adderall, still the loser that none of the boys liked. It was a very tough time for me."

Jeff, a man who rarely felt sympathy or empathy...and it seemed ever only for Annie, reached out and clutched Annie's free hand in his as tears started to form in her eyes. "Annie, you aren't a loser and you aren't Little Annie Adderall anymore...I see the way guys look at you. You're a pretty cool girl."

"Really, you mean it?" She said as the tears she had on deck started to shrink.

"I do."

"Thanks Jeff!" She reached across and kissed him on the cheek, to which he smiled.

"Now you're Little Annie the Unicorn!"

She playfully slapped him for what was at least the tenth time that night as they shared a laugh. When they stopped she spoke. "Don't tell the group, please? They already treat me like a little girl, I don't want them knowing that I'm really a virgin."

"I won't." Jeff nodded his head.

_Three fairly uneventful Weeks Later..._

*Knock knock knock…*

"Ugh..." Jeff rubbed his eyes with his hands as the sun through his window mercilessly assaulted his eyes, "I'm coming!"

There were a series of rapid, successive knocks at the door, quiet knocks, but he could still hear them even better than usual; it sounded to him like someone was hitting his door with a sledgehammer. He walked through his modest living room, looking over at the couch half-expecting to see Chang asleep sucking his thumb, but remembering that he moved back in with his wife last week; even still, his hangover was horrific, and he made a mental note to never mix scotch and gin again. He heard another knock at the door and reached for the lock, unsealing the deadbolt and turning the handle.

"Jeff!" He heard his name in a girly, high-pitched voice and instantly moved to cover his ears. He looked down on Annie; but it wasn't Annie, or at least not the one he knew. Her hair was wet and tied into a ponytail; she was wearing black Lululemon pants and a tight baby-blue Adidas t-shirt that hugged every curve of her body. She smiled at him with her rows of beaming, white teeth that were whiter even than her immaculate Reebok tennis shoes. She looked fresh and chipper, but most of all she looked very pretty...and not in the typical, subdued 'Oh I just want to pinch her cheeks!' way, in an 'I want to pull you in here by your hair and send you out haggard and drained three days later…' way. Certainly not what Jeff needed to be exposed to at the moment.

"Annie...ugh...do you have any idea what time it is?" He said groggily as it felt like there was an illegal dog fighting ring going on in his head.

She took a second to look at her watch, "Its 1:15 in the afternoon. I've already been shopping and to the gym."

"Those are your workout clothes?", he gave her a rapid top-down look; he shouldn't be doing that.

"Actually just yoga." She blushed, turning on her feet.

"And there's no chance you can't come back later? Like...six hours from now?"

"Jeff!" She pouted, bringing a sharp pain to his head.

"Fine, come in...", he let her in and closed the door, taking a second to ensure that no one saw Jeff Winger let a teenage girl into his place...well okay, a near teenage girl.

Annie skipped in and sat on his couch quietly as he moved to the kitchen to prepare coffee. Once he had placed the grinds in the filter and pressed the black 'Start' button, he entered the living room and saw Annie smiling at him from the couch.

"So how's the sex class?" He asked still standing, surprised when she didn't even recoil at his brazen attitude and boozy breath.

Annie looked down and bit her lip as she sat on the couch, "Not good…"

"Why's that?" Jeff asked, though really it was a formality; in his current state he didn't really care.

"I'm still having trouble…saying certain things." She answered him back.

"But you did so well over coffee a few weeks ago." Jeff said, "Didn't the lesson take?"

Annie looked up at him quickly and looked down again, "That day was different, that was just…"

"Just…?" Jeff attempted to finish the sentence she was struggling with, but failed.

"With just you, it's fine, but it's actually a fairly large class and I really can't say it." Annie said, "and what makes things worse is that the deadline to drop summer courses has already passed."

"So what then? You're going to stop going and take the zero?" Jeff said with a small smirk, but instantly put it away as Annie shot him a venomous glance.

"Really Jeff, does that sound like me?" She asked him, and he nodded in agreement, "I actually came here to ask you for another favor."

Jeff rolled his eyes and sighed; he hated helping others without getting anything in return, but somehow with Annie, who had helped him with his studies so many times, he kind of felt like he needed to help her. This in itself wasn't a bad thing; it was that she knew it and knew how to exploit it that made it deadly. He took a seat beside her on the couch and focused his eyes on her; she was visibly nervous, even moreso than usual.

"I was wondering if…maybe you could come to class with me?" She flashed her biggest and bestest Disney smile at him. Even still, she looked like something else was on her mind, but Jeff felt too crappy to prod her.

Jeff sighed, "You know my policy, Annie; I only spend time at Greendale when I absolutely have to, that means no summer or night credits."

She bit her lip and once more looked down, "Actually…it's too late to get a credit, I was just wondering if…no…"

"Please stop doing that, you're getting entirely too good at it." Jeff said, referring to Annie using anticipation to manipulate him. It's a shame she wanted to go into something like…whatever field she wanted to go into, nursing? She'd make a fine prosecutor.

"If you sat in with me, just a few times, it would really help me." She looked up at him again, "Shirley's there too, it'd be fun!"

Jeff rested his massively swollen head on the back of the couch and let out a deep exhale, "Annie, you know I'd love to…"

She looked at him with excited and anticipatory eyes.

"Actually no, I wouldn't." He started one of his trademark speeches, "I know for you summertime is about My Little Pony and picking posies and learning, exclamation point…but for me it's about making a bit of cash so I can keep my apartment, having fun and…well really anything to remind me that I don't have to go back to Greendale in the fall."

"Oh you'd miss us." She teased.

She readied her tears for him, but he locked his darkened eyes on her, "True, but technically irrelevant. Look, you want so badly to be treated like an adult, well part of being an adult is understanding that there isn't always going to be someone there to hold your hand. Normally that lesson comes with a retainer."

He expected a tantrum and tears from her, so imagine his surprise when she rose and looked at him not with anger or guilt, but understanding, "I understand, I figured you wouldn't anyways." She started, before moving to the door and putting her shoes on, "I need to go run a few more errands; I'll call you later, okay?"

"Sure." Jeff said dejectedly; now how did she do that? Not at all trying to make him feel like crap and yet so brilliantly succeeding? Before the thought could even materialize and disappear into his head, he looked up and heard the quick sound of his front door closing quietly behind Annie. A 'Beep!" sounded from the other room; his coffee was finished. He moved to his barren kitchen and poured himself a cup and took it black, walking back to his room where he would try to sleep off his epic hangover.


	2. Abed's Black Magic

**This is chapter 2. Aside from some hilarious Abed dialogue, it's the chapter I'm least proud of. It's also the longest, so enjoy!**

2) Abed's Black Magic

Fifteen minutes later, just as he was finally drifting off into sleep, he heard another knock at his door. He moaned in pain and displeasure before he rose. He walked out of his bedroom and to his front door as another knock sounded.

He had no idea who to expect; why were people randomly dropping into his place like this? How were they even getting into the building? Who was buzzing them in? He opened the door and looked again on Annie, standing with trepidation. She walked into his apartment before he could turn her away.

"Won't you come in?" He sarcastically offered to her. She sat on his couch again.

"Why are you here? Did you forget something?" He asked with a tired voice. She took a second to begin speaking.

"I'm not here to beg and plead with you to help me, it's just…I actually had an ulterior motive for coming here today, and after I left I sat in my car wrestling with it..." She confessed.

"Annie Edison being duplicitous…that's new." Jeff replied glibly. She flashed a brief formidable look at him as he finished. She drew a breath and took a second to start speaking.

"I've been thinking about our talk...you know the one from before?" She finally said in earnest.

"I don't even remember waking up just now, refresh my memory."

"That day...in the coffee shop?" she turned her face quizically to him.

"The sex survey...yes it was a revealing afternoon." He said. Even though he had enough liquor to sustain the population of Belfast for three nights in his bloodstream and he had just shown her out, secretly Jeff was kind of happy that Annie was there, bothering and pestering him…well, a little bit anyways.

"You didn't tell anyone about my...me...that I...?" She wanted to ask.

"That you're a virgin?" He answered for her, "No Annie, I didn't."

"Oh good!" She squealed with glee, before she turned serious and started to flush, "Because I was thinking about it and I...and you...and I just..."

"Just say it already, Annie!" Jeff raised his voice so rapidly that it amplified his headache and made her start with a pop.

"I don't think I can say it, I…" She began, before walking into his kitchen and grabbing a notepad and a pen from the fridge, "Can I show you?"

"Ugh…" Jeff sighed with irritation; Annie should be making human sacrifices to the gods daily, because they made her cute enough to pull this crap and get away with it. Annie just smiled as he sat on the couch and she walked to the other side of his coffee table and wrote something quickly on the pad.

"Okay," She started, holding up seven fingers to him.

"Seven words." He said.

She held up a single finger.

"First word…"

She pointed to her left eye.

"I…" Jeff picked up instantly.

She smiled and nodded at him, before holding up two fingers.

"Second word…" He said, but his unhealthy state and short temper were beginning to flare up, "Why the hell am I even doing this? Here…"

He rose to his feet; he was at least a foot taller than Annie was. She tried to recoil and jump back, but she had underestimated his reach and his speed, even while hungover Jeff Winger was quite the athlete. In one quick motion he plucked the notepad from her and turned it around. She made an effort to get it back, but he was too quick for her. He sat on the couch and in an instant she was standing in front of him.

As he read the words on it, everything around him seemed to stop moving; it was as if space and time itself had ceased to be relevant. He very slowly raised his head and looked up at her. She blushed and placed both of her hands behind her back, gently pivoting on her left foot as she scratched the back of her ankle with her other foot. She smiled back at him. He looked down at the note and read it again.

"I want you to be my first…" He said in a dull voice, looking from her to the note and back at her again. He took a second to wonder if it was a figment of his imagination or maybe if he was being Punk'd, he even pinched his wrist…but no, there it was; _I want you to be my first_, written in blue pen, in Annie's perfect cursive, with a little heart dotting the 'I' in the word 'first'.

Hours seemed to pass between the two of them, but really it was probably just a few seconds, maybe thirty at the most. Jeff was the first to speak, and Annie held her ground. She was seated on the couch now, so he looked over at her.

"Annie we've been over this...what seems like dozens of times." He finally said with exasperation.

"Don't you think I know that!" She said defensively, "And I'm not saying I want to be your girlfriend and get married and have babies, it's just...this one time…"

"I feel like I've passed through the digestive system of one of Britta's cats. This isn't a great time to hit me with this." Jeff said as he rubbed his eyes, "Not that I'm not flattered or even shocked, but...me? You seemed grossed out by some of my answers on your little survey."

"Well, at first I was, but come on...you're Jeff Winger." She said with a sweet smile, "I've seen girls throw themselves at you, you keep in shape and dress well, you're charming and assertive, and...You're everything a girl could want. It's all I've been able to think about."

"Well duh!" He agreed with her.

She leaned closer to him, to which he slightly recoiled. "Do you want to hear a secret?"

"Since you're askmanding me..."

"In study group...when you do your grand speeches and the dad-slash-leader thing...sometimes it makes me feel warm..._down there_...", as she pointed to her groin.

Jeff looked at the ceiling and to the side away from Annie...he really should have known; Annie, fresh and chipper, minimal contact aside from the occasional text conversation, showing up at his doorstep in her painted on 'workout clothes', no call so she could ambush him.

She was getting scary good.

When he thinks about it, it kind of seems like things have been building up to this; more of those little 'looks' between them where her face softens and he smiles with his eyes; her skirts creeping higher and higher little by little; the way the group has seemingly been leaving the two of them alone more and more often...if he were Abed, he'd have noticed right away.

He couldn't deny an attraction to her, but he'd had the chance to act on it in the past and never did for one reason and one reason only; age, fourteen years of difference. When Jeff was graduating high school with his solid if unspectacular 68 average and bumping _Reasonable Doubt_, Annie was sorting her stuffed animals by height and color in kindergarten. Something about that kind of freaked him out.

"No really." She said when he went ten seconds without responding, "Ever since that time when we kissed in the debate I've had to carry an extra pair of underwear to school with me, just in case we'd have study group or I'd be near you. Why do you think my backpacks have so many hidden compartments and I only ever wear dark skirts?"

"Well Annie, I'm hugely flattered, but...once again...why?" He said, "Me being the pinnacle of manliness and making you wet in study group isn't a very compelling argument."

"Well it's just...I want my first time to be with someone who knows what they're doing…someone sexy and strong who can take control, I want it to be good, I want it to be memorable, the way I always hoped it would be..."

The first time is almost universally horrible and it's probably going to hurt, is what he thought and what he thought of telling her...but he didn't. Annie was impressionable, often to a fault; she probably imagined sex as a perfect union of man and woman under a full moon on a glorious summer night, when more often than not it was a knock-em-down, drag-em-out steamy, sweaty and passionate affair that left both parties mentally, spiritually and emotionally drained.

So many things in life, including himself in the past, had let her down. Even if in bed he was like a Siberian Tiger with the dexterity of a monkey, the stamina of a wolf and the destructive energy of Iggy Pop; he was afraid of setting the bar too high much more than letting her down.

What would a regular guy be like after being with him? Jeff Wingers don't exactly grow on trees. Hell, Britta still occasionally shoots him an 'I'm lonely/horny/bored, can I come over?' text in the middle of the night and they haven't slept together in over a year…and that was a hurried, spontaneous thing in the middle of the Great Paintball Battle of '10, when he had no time or space to properly operate, and he still beat it up amazing.

"I don't know Annie...I have such a bad hangover that I can barely move, let alone pleasure you to the best of my ability..." He rationalized to her with her blue eyes like x-rays trying to see into his mind.

"Oh, no!" She assured him, placing a hand on his knee for a second, "Think about it, and when you have your answer, call me...okay?"

"Okay..." He said quietly as she rose. Quickly and quietly, she was gone as soon as she had arrived, the door once more closing. Jeff rose to his feet again and walked to his bedroom.

Jeff was massively conflicted, but inside he felt a little bit happy as he pulled the covers over himself. It was never really about the age difference at all...well, on the surface it was, but that was mostly just something to say to Annie and the group to deflect them.

Part of the reason he couldn't be with Annie was because of three things; first, he was afraid of hurting her. Second, he was afraid of how much he liked her and finally third, and most importantly, even though he was awesome...and he was awesome, but deep down, _deep deep_ down, he knew that he was really just a fraud and that Annie was too good for him.

Jeff Winger knows himself, he knows women and he knows Annie; the average girl would be met at a bar, slept with that night and some more over the next few weeks and then eventually discarded when he got bored; a sequence that could take anywhere from 4 days to a month, but Annie certainly wasn't an average girl. He and Annie got along very well and had many things in common, but also had lots of opposing and complementary traits.

Annie was the type of girl he could wife, and Jeff Winger doesn't wife girls; the last time he wifed a girl it ended with not one, but two girls confessing their love for him in a room full of people.

As much as he tried to suppress those lurid thoughts in his head, he would be lying if he told you that he never entertained the prospect of a purely sexual relationship with her, and he always figured that it was possible. Now he knew for certain it was.

He tossed and turned and tried to sleep, but after forty-five minutes of anguish, he knew that it wouldn't happen…how the hell was he supposed to sleep after what had just happened?

_Five days later…_

Jeff pulled out his phone and prepared to send a text to Annie E…not long ago, or at least it seems so, she was 'Young hot brunette spanish'. He chuckled to himself.

**[Jeff]** Coffee in an hour?

A minute and a half passes before he gets a response.

**[Annie E.]** Sure!

He waits a few minutes to get back to her…

**[Jeff]** Cool, same place as before.

Her response is instantaneous.

**[Annie E.] **Ok :)

Aw, what the hell…emotapenis!

**[Jeff]** 8=========

**[Annie E.]** Hahahaha you're so cute!

Jeff Winger was about to enter some pretty dangerous turf; the type of thing that makes the high wire act he ran as a fake lawyer for years look like a Sunday stroll through the park. He weighed the pros and the cons over the past four days, at first it was 'absolutely not, she's 20!', later it became 'no…but then again, I do catch myself checking her out more and more, and she did come to me so…' and then finally 'if it's purely sexual and I can't hurt her or get too close…really, why not?'

Ultimately, he was leaning towards giving in to Annie; not wholly for superficial and selfish reasons (though he did wonder if she still used Bubbleberry lip gloss and if her skin still felt like silk), but because Annie…Little Annie Adderall, who had never once let him down and had always been there with a kind word and a smile, wanted him to. He wouldn't avoid her like he did the summer after they kissed at the Tranny Dance, he would give her an answer; she at least deserved that.

But even still, Jeff Winger may have been a whore, but he wasn't a slut; no-strings-attached sex with a gorgeous 20 year old was a whole different scene than a relationship with a gorgeous 20 year old; one involved touches and sensation and sweating, the other involved feelings and investment and emotions. Two totally different ballgames, and in the former Jeff was a first-ballot hall of famer…in the latter he was bush league.

He wasn't going to make it easy on her, and as he slid into his immaculate one-button fog-grey bespoke suit with the ketchup-red interior liner, he was going to make sure he tortured her a little bit first. There was so much more at stake here than anything he had ever done with anyone in the study group, and if she really wanted this, then he figured that she would be willing to work for it. He made sure to grab the small red gift-wrapped box with the blue bow that sat on his coffee table before leaving.

He saw Annie sitting in the same booth that they had chatted in a month prior, wearing a fetching yellow dress with a low-cut neck and a small daffodil necklace. Her smile lit up like fireworks when she saw him and she jumped up to wrap him in an embrace, which he returned fully. She said something about being 'So happy to see him!' in her 'Everything is super fluffy and swell!' voice before he sat down. She regarded the small red box in his hand as he placed it on the table and slid it to her, past the coffee that she had ordered for him.

"Aww, a gift!" She squealed with glee as she took it and held it, feelings its weight; "Is it a sexy gift?" She smiled lecherously.

"You could say that." He said coolly as he splayed his legs out the side of the booth. Jeff was jazz-man cool today, which was unusual because around Annie he so rarely was, and he thought he knew why; Annie had offered herself to him, therefore any sexual tension had been thrown out the window, and between him and Annie there was tons of sexual tension.

He liked it; he was getting his jam back. He watched as she peeled the ribbon and removed the red wrapping, revealing a white box. She looked at him and he indicated for her to open it. It only took a few seconds for her tiny, nimble fingers to remove the scotch tape holding it shut. She opened the box and looked into it questioningly.

"That would be a digital pen, it'll let you scan handwriting and transfer it to your computer…I figured you'd like it."

"Je-effff!" She squeed as she smiled brightly, "This is so awesome! Now I can transcribe my notes to my computer right from class in half the time it takes me to type them, yay!"

Oh yeah, she actually yelled 'Yay!'. A few more seconds of revelry and elation ensued before she set it aside and looked at him with a smoldering look that he saw was new in her arsenal…he liked that too.

"You look hot." Was the first thing to come out of her mouth.

"You dig the suit?" He asked, even if he already knew the answer.

"There's just something sexy about a man in a suit." She answered truthfully.

"130 women agree…" He joked with her, catching a small eye-roll when he mentioned that number, "You look really nice too."

She blushed and let out a cutesy 'Aww!', before leaning in to kiss him on the cheek…and then on the side of the mouth…and then right on his mouth. He pulled himself away from it when he felt her tongue trying to part his lips.

"Whoa Annie, whoa whoa!" He said startling her back, where those magic eyes became immediately downcast and sad, "Uh oh, the rejection speech…'You're sweet and cute but a little young for me'…'You're a bit too tightly wound and crazy'…'You're a lot of fun to flirt with and ogle but too innocent to sleep with'…this was a horrible idea, I'll just…"

She went to rise again, but Jeff once more forcefully grabbed her hand and pulled her back into the seat, "Who's rejecting you? Did I say I'm rejecting you? You need to stop always jumping to conclusions...you're bad at that."

Those eyes lit up one more time and he could see her pupils dilate; she leaned forward and placed her chin in her hands as she looked at him and waited for him to speak. He had memorized exactly what he would say.

"Annie, other than my Mom, you are the only woman in my life that has never let me down." He began a signature Winger speech, "You're so positive and happy and you work so hard, and for what? A 4.0 GPA at a low-end school to drive home in a K-car to your crappy apartment? And I know you live at home now, I was using it to make a point. If this, me, is really and truly what you want, then I won't refuse you. You came at me like an adult and went after what you wanted, and I respect that."

"Oh Jeff!" She cried and leapt forward again, planting tiny kisses on the side of his face and neck. He could only smile as he gently pried her away.

"But…I'm not just some slut that when I say go you get to go go go."

"130 women says you are…" She blushed.

"Not the point." He smoothed the fabric of his suit, "If you want to play in this league, then there are rules, there is one thing you need to do before I consider letting this happen…"

"Sure, anything!", and he got the feeling that she would do anything for him. He so rarely felt that. Remember; man is evil.

"That Digital Pen I just gave you…"

"I LOOOOOVE it!" She sighed dreamily.

"What I need you to do is go home, upload the software, learn how it works…and then I need you to get a certain page out of Abed's notebook and email that information to me before we can take this further."

"Which page?" She asked innocently.

"You know which page, Annie." Jeff took a sip of coffee, "The one that charts you and Shirley and Britta's…flow days."

Annie looked offended and taken aback, she had a full clip of tears in the chamber ready to be shot like bullets, "Don't you trust me?"

He reassuringly put his hand on hers across the table, "Annie, I trust you more than most people, but it's been established that I trust most people as far as I can kick them…"

"Yeah but…it's me!"

"Yeah, and you smashed my head off a desk, screwed me out of a free fake credit and showed everyone my 'Real World' tape." He said with a slight touch of bitterness, "Do I trust you? Absolutely, but do I trust your impulses? Do I trust you when all logic goes out the window? That's a different question altogether…"

The next few moments were spent in silent contemplation, with intermittent sips of coffee in between.

"Why do you need to know this, and why can't I just tell you?" She was the first to speak.

"Because I've had enough past scares where girls lied or omitted information…not saying you would, but it has and does happen…and knowing when Shirley cycles after she has the baby so I can keep away from her, that's valuable information that I can use. She gets violent and extra guilt-inducing."

Annie emitted a surprised gasp.

"And also certain things can happen at a certain time of the month…and just before a certain time of the month…"

"What do you mean?" She innocently asked.

Jeff sighed, "Annie, for this to be not at all weird, I can't treat you with kid gloves, so I'm just going to come out and say it; if this happens, and somehow a Winger bun gets put into your tiny Annie oven, I'm not having any part of what comes next, and then we couldn't be friends anymore and you wouldn't get to grow up to be a Senator or a CEO…and neither of us wants that."

Annie sat there with her mouth agape.

"But you'd use a…" She started, but couldn't say 'condom', "…thing, right?"

"Only 98% effective…that may be a good enough grade for you, but not me, not this time." He answered quickly.

Being totally honest, he didn't even want to use a condom; condoms suck, they can get expensive, as of last month he is totally clean (Annie was as well, obviously) and if she wasn't ovulating there was no chance of pregnancy...and okay, part of it is the following equation; a tiny 20 year old virgin _minus_ condom is _equal to or greater than _best feeling ever (what do you know? Math can be useful!), but he knew that she would probably be freaked out if he didn't…oh well.

"How?" She asked a minute later.

"Abed is having a movie night tomorrow, you can do it there."

"Yeah but Abed is like the bad guy in _Lord of the Rings_, he'll know; he sees everything!"

Jeff sighed with exasperation one more time, "Annie, you came at me about this whole thing. Not that I'm not a little curious, but if this is going to happen then it's on you."

Disney Face…ready for deployment…lip quivering…eyes beginning to flutter…

"Don't even think about it!" Jeff pointed at her and she stopped instantly and smiled gently; she liked when he was a little stern with her…she liked it a lot, "You're a very smart girl, you don't need me to do all the planning for you. Just wait until everyone falls asleep."

She sat up straight again and put her formidable face on, "Okay…I can do this!"

"I know you can."

_The Next Evening…_

Annie sat behind her computer as the status bar finally filled up. She smiled as she restarted her machine when it was indicated, and a few minutes later it sprang back to life. She opened the top of the pen and saw the USB prong, and readied to plug it into her computer, but she stopped…

"I should make sure it works…" She assured herself. She reached for one of her college-ruled notebooks and pulled out one of the back pages and pressed the end of the pen to it.

_Mrs. Jeff Winger…Mrs. Jeffrey Winger…Mrs. Annie Winger…_ she wrote in perfect, flowing cursive. She scanned the side of the pen over her dainty handwriting and pressed the button on the back of the pen. A light came on, and when she went over her writing, she pulled the top of the pen off again and plugged it into her USB port. She opened the software that came with the pen, clicked 'Upload' and, after less than three seconds, she saw her handwriting, right there on the screen in front of her. She smiled and clapped gently in her chair as the device worked. Just then she got a text.

**[Abed]** When are you coming by?

**[Annie]** I'll be there in about an hour.

After splashing on a quick spritz of peachberry body spray and leaving her house, Annie was trying to formulate her plan; wait until everyone falls asleep and get to the notebook…did Abed even sleep? She wasn't sure. She remembered when he dressed as Batman that he said he never sleeps, and she wouldn't be shocked to find out this was true.

She was well rested, but she usually went to bed around 10 and woke up at 5:30, almost every day, and it was already 6:15. There was no way she'd make it past 10:30, 11 at the most. She needed an edge.

Later on the drive over it hit her like a cement truck as she passed a liquor store; she remembered a slumber party she had with Britta last year. Britta drank Vodka, but one sniff of it almost made Annie vomit. Britta was drinking, and poor Annie didn't want to make her feel like a sad lonely drunk, so Britta told her to grab a beer from the fridge. She surprisingly enjoyed it; a little bitter but crisp and bubbly, and nice when it was cold. She had one, and then another, and the next thing she remembered, she was woken up the next morning staring at Britta's ceiling with drool dried on the side of her mouth; the beer didn't get her drunk, it just made her really sleepy.

She pulled into the parking lot and looked through her wallet for just a second (Annie always knew exactly where everything was in her purse) before she found it; capricious Caroline Decker from Corpus Christi, Texas, she of likely bad credit and the unfinished mermaid tattoo; she knew that she probably shouldn't have the ID, but she kind of enjoyed getting to use the Southern accent, the chance to be someone else. Putting on her best formidable face, she walked into the store, and seconds later returned to her car with a twelve-pack of MGD. She smiled to herself triumphantly as she got into her car and continued to Abed's dorm at Greendale.

She arrived and saw Abed, Troy and Shirley, all seated on the couch, ready to watch the movie.

"Annie!" Shirley squealed with joy as she rose to hug her, "And you have beer? I'm…kinda surprised and shocked…"

"Oh you know…my parents are out of town and I figured Troy and Abed wouldn't mind." She said assuredly, "I might have one."

"Annie just moved from annoying to awesome!" Troy said as he rose and gave her a hug.

"I appreciate the beer…" Abed said as he scrutinized her with his gentle and mysterious eyes, damn him, "It's a little out of character for Annie…but it's also free beer, so its character development I can get behind."

"Aww, thanks Abed!" Annie said happily as she rose to hug him, "So which movie are we watching?"

"_Kickpuncher 5: Codename Dickpuncher_" Abed answered rapid-fire, "You can put those beers in my fridge over on the far wall."

"Codename Dickpuncher? That sounds like one of those films I caught Elijah and Jordan watching on Cinemax at 3 AM one night Abed…" Shirley said with concern.

"No, it's legitimate." Abed assured her, "Not as so-bad-its-good as Kickpuncher: Detroit, but still, great campy dialogue and under-budgeted action scenes with a paper-thin story. We'll have lots to make fun of."

"Do you want one?" Annie asked as she placed the case into the vacant fridge, which contained only some milk, a few pieces of chocolate and a half-opened bag of pretzels. She saw a black notebook beckoning her from his desk out of the corner of her eye,

Abed looked at her askew; he was definitely sensing a disturbance in the force, "Sure, why not…it's movie night."

Annie 'yayyyyed!' to herself inside her mind.

"I'll have one too!" Troy yelled with gusto, "My girl Tracy said I was like a beer once, because I'm bubbly and refreshing!"

"You sure it's not because you're cool and black?" Annie asked.

Troy looked shocked, "That's racist, Annie!"

"Grab me one too!" Shirley said gleefully, "My sister is watching the boys; one or two beers can't hurt…Everything in moderation, like Jesus said…"

"Is Elijah doing better since he was sick?" Annie asked as she took a seat; Shirley had missed the lecture on Tuesday; apparently her eldest son decided it was a smart idea to eat a whole tube of Chocolate Chip cookie dough. Shirley got him to the hospital just in time to pull him out of his diabetic coma.

"Oh yeah, just no more sugar for a month…and he hates it." She gushed, "But it's a lot less on the grocery bill so that's nice!"

Two and a half hours later and it was darkening, and it seemed that Annie's ingenious plan had worked; she was still nursing her second beer, Troy had three, Shirley had two and Abed had three, and they were all asleep. It was adorable in fact; Shirley's head was on Troy's shoulder, and Abed lay sprawled across all of them, his feet reaching Annie's lap.

She saw his black notebook on his desk on the opposite end of the room. Ever-so-quietly she rose, making sure to hardly disturb Abed's feet. She stood quietly and reached down into her purse, removing the pen and walked over, effortlessly in the dark. She could see by the light of the moon the writing on the cover of the book; _Community College Chronicles_, and she flipped it open, surprised by the sound that the cover made when it hit the desk; she looked back at the couch and saw that Abed had stirred, so she stood still, sure not to wake him. After a few seconds and some adjustments he had quieted back down.

She flipped through the pages, and were she not looking for something specific, she would have gasped at how comprehensive the information it held was; remarkably accurate notes on Britta's height, weight and measurements (5'4 ½, 105 lbs., 32B-24-33) as well as her own (5'2, 97 lbs., 32C-24-32) and Shirley's (5'5, unknown, 37DD-30-37), Jeff's cologne preferences by day (Monday: Drakkar Noir, Tuesday: JP Gauthier, Wednesday: CK Man, Thursday…) and even how many miles until Pierces' next oil change was scheduled (1200 or so). When she finally got to the pages she needed, she recognized the graph by sight and held the pen over it, activating the small LED light.

A few seconds later, when she was done with the dates she closed the book. Turning around, she came face-to-chest with Abed. Even in the dark the nervous expression on her face was discernable.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Oh, just trying to see what you have in store for us on the show…" She lied unconvincingly.

He tilted his head like a sage and looked at her, "The page where I chart your menstrual cycles…that was already filmed in the bottle episode, I screened it for the group two months ago…"

"Alright, I'm changing my birth control, so I want to have an idea how my cycle will react to it." She lied even more unconvincingly.

"You aren't on birth control…"

DAMN HIM!

"Oh, I…" She sputtered

"Who is he?" He asked.

"Just someone I've met, you guys don't know him…"

"Is it Jeff?"

She dropped her mouth open, "Abed, it's not Jeff…we're just friends, and besides, me and Jeff…it wouldn't make sense, we're too far apart."

"Hmm…" Abed sighed under his breath insidiously.

"What are you insinuating?" She asked a little too defensively.

"I'm not insinuating anything Annie, though I don't think you and Jeff make no sense even in spite of the age difference. You have the 7-to-10 waist to hip ratio, youth and full, symmetrical breasts that men find desirable in a mate." He started, and continued even as she squeaked his name and awkwardly tried to cover her chest and hips at the same time, "And Jeff likewise has the dominant personality, height and high status that women find desirable."

"_How does he do that!_" She wondered…or spoke (gasp!)…no, it stayed in her head.

When she neither confirmed nor denied this he spoke again, "Before exams I also noticed an increase in the frequency and duration of those looks you guys share, as well as a dramatic uptick in your wearing of shorter shirts and higher heels."

"It's for the warmer weather." She said, "And who doesn't want to be taller?"

"I guess so…" He sounded unconvinced.

"If you must know, my old high-school boyfriend is back for the summer and we re-connected a few weeks ago. We're dating."

"Oh, Gay Lance?"

"Actually it's just Lance." She corrected him.

He was silent for a few seconds, "You could have just asked me for that information; I would have given it to you."

"I'm sorry Abed…I know how closely you guard the secrets of _Community College Chronicles_ and I figured you'd say no…"

"This is a very interesting development for your character."

"I'm not a character, I'm Annie!" She stammered and stomped her foot.

"Yes, I know…" He started, "Little Annie, young Annie, 'We try not to sexualize her' Annie…wanting to be treated like an adult but not quite ready to let go of the perks of being a child."

"Abed!"

"But like a child…honest, pure…doing this to get information you probably already know…it's character development; Annie sees the world isn't all sunshine and lollipops and is in fact a place where to get by sometimes you need to be a little deceptive…long term, it's positive, and that's what I enjoy seeing."

"I should probably go…" she fake-yawned, "It's getting late."

Abed moved out of her way as she somewhat hurriedly grabbed her purse, before leaning down to plant kisses on the cheeks of the still-sleeping Shirley and Troy. She walked back to Abed and gave him a nice, long hug, before turning for the door.

"Thank you Abed…for understanding."

"No problem."

"And…could you do me a favor?"

"Sure, Annie."

"Don't mention this to anyone…the ex-boyfriend and the fact I was looking in your notebook for info about my period."

"Yeah…by the way Annie."

She was thisclose to being away, out of the woods, but he had to call her back.

"Yeah Abed?" She turned to face him, the sparse light from the hallway briefly illuminating her face.

Abed turned to his desk and in the dark, as if by some instinct, he reached into the second drawer and removed something, before walking over to her. They were a sleeve of condoms, similar to those that Nurse Jackie dispensed for free at the health center.

"Be safe." He said as he placed them into her hand, and she immediately put them into her purse.

"Thanks Abed! Goodnight!"

He took his place back on the couch after she had closed the door behind her, "She didn't lower her voice when she said 'Birth Control' or 'Period'…interesting."

Annie sped home and ran up to her room, through the darkened halls of her house and closed the door quietly behind her, ensuring not to wake her parents. When she got to her room she opened her laptop and started the program that came with the pen. She plugged the pen in and clicked 'Upload' and saw Abed's handwritten data spring up instantly.

She saw the data and did some extrapolation, adding notes where necessary; it was the end of May. She was on 4 days, therefore would be off 27, starting up at the New Moon, which was the 1st and would end the 5th. Once she made her companion notes to Abed's (eerily accurate) observations, she saved the file as **'' **and emailed it to and pulled out her phone.

**[Annie E.]** Check your inbox :)

She rose to go to the bathroom to brush her teeth and get ready for bed. Jeff texted her back when she was in there.

**[Jeff]** Sweet, this is huge.

She looked at the message, expecting more, and was upset when she didn't get it. She slinked into bed and immediately fell into a deep sleep, feeling relative contentment with a small mix of disappointment and paranoia. She slept deeply and soundly.


	3. Fireworks

**So yeah, this is the last 'chapter' (there will be an epilogue next week, I had a lot of fun writing this). I wanted to wait a bit before posting this, but as tonight is the 'clip-show' episode and reception has been positive, I just let my excitement get the best of me.**

**The stunning climax (that means two things!)...no last act reveals, no twists, no betrayals...just Jeff and Annie acting on their obvious sexual attraction to each other, so enjoy.**

3) Fireworks

_Morning…_

Annie awoke and saw a text from Jeff. It was sent at 11:27 PM, which must have been just minutes after she fell asleep. Instead of waking at her usual 5:30, she slept until about 7:15; it was Saturday, after all.

**[Jeff]** Lunch?

**[Annie]** Sure, where?

She put the phone down and waited…and waited…and waited…ugh, stupid Annie, she thought, it's not even 8 in the morning, he won't be up until at least 9. I might as well get ready and pick out my clothes.

But he did text back shortly; when she was in the shower.

**[Jeff]** There's a small French cafe in Glendale, no one in the group is even near there. 12:30.

**[Annie]** Eeeee!

Now Jeff only had one more thing – one more task – for Annie. Honestly, when she first suggested the idea, he thought she was messing with him, so when he got her the digital pen and sent her on assignment, he half-expected her to laugh at him and rescind the offer. He was shocked when she had actually followed through and got him that highly personal information. Now there was just one thing; the Terms of Use; six rules, all of which she had to agree with, before he would sleep with her.

The closer he got to the restaurant, the more and more his palms began to sweat, but at the same time the more and more he began to hope that Annie would agree to his rules; the idea started small and slowly grew to its current dimensions, where it now possessed his whole mind. He wondered if someone pulled an _Inception_ on him, though he knew it probably wasn't Abed; he hated that movie.

He saw her, sitting at a table outdoors, resplendent in a little white dress with red polka-dots and black flats with her hair tied back into a bun. She recognized his car and waved as he passed by and found a place to park.

"Jeff!" She squealed with joy as he rounded the corner and she jumped to hug him. He picked her up and spun her around, like so often happens at the end of one of those cheesy movies she so loves, where the long lost lovers are reconciled. It seemed to last forever in the idyllic summer sun, but what seemed like forever was really less than a minute, and he set her down. They walked together hand in hand to the table in front of the restaurant; a small, open-window boutique-style French bakery called _Bons Baguette Mauvais_ (Wicked Good Bread...ugh).

Annie, always so intrepid, had already ordered them coffee and chocolate croissants sat in a basket at the center of the black cast-iron table; in front of her was a napkin with a half-eaten croissant on it. Jeff grabbed one of the napkins and a pastry and placed it in front of himself, taking a bite while she watched him with dancing, lovestruck eyes. He didn't even care that each croissant was probably dense with carbs.

"So how was movie night?" He asked her.

"The movie was delightfully low-budget, and Abed is still an evil wizard." She giggled.

"Tell me something I don't know."

"He asked if we were dating."

"And…?"

"I denied it; I think I threw him off the trail, but for how long?" She said nervously.

"That crazy Abed…" Jeff took another bite of the croissant, it was very rich and flaky, "But Annie…you're absolutely sure that this is what you really want?"

"Since the moment we first met I thought you were cute…and then you said I was awesome." She looked down, pink in the face, "No one had ever made me feel that way before, or at least no one I wanted to make me feel like that...so yeah, this is what I want, more than anything."

Jeff smiled and removed his sunglasses, placing them gently on the table (they were expensive), "Well good…but it's so beautiful outside, so let's just enjoy the day before we get to the details, okay?"

"Okay." She agreed.

For almost an hour they talked and enjoyed their coffee and croissants. Annie talked at great length about how she was slowly but surely mending her relationship with her mother; a guarded, severe woman who sounded an awful lot like someone they both knew well, though Jeff figured that making this connection known to Annie would cause her shock. Jeff talked briefly about his work; it felt nice to him to get back to the world he was once a key figure in, and that Annie was hanging on his every word made him feel even better about it. He also touched on his plans for a trip out to San Diego to see his old friend, who was working out there in a surf shop. Most of the beginning of the day was spent exchanging such details and pleasantries, and it was all so seamless and perfect, without a hint of awkwardness.

Before either of them was aware, their cups were empty and the croissants were all eaten and the short, black-haired waiter grabbed the basket the pastries were in and left them. It was then that Jeff knew he needed to accelerate things.

"I'm amazed that you were able to get me what I asked for." He told her proudly, "And all without setting off Abed's defenses. Annie…"

"Yes?" She said slowly as he reached and grabbed both of her hands into one of his.

"When you originally told me what you wanted I was unsure, but after some thought, as well as thinking about you and how you've grown in the past year it became a little easier for me to process. I would be more than happy to do this for you…or to you…" He started with a cocky smirk, "But, I have some conditions…terms if you will, to lay out for you."

"Terms?" She inquired, "Do you do this for every other girl?"

"Every other girl isn't an idealistic and vulnerable sweet young woman, who isn't aware of her own sexual power…" He said softly, "And who also happens to be one of my dear friends; someone who knows me, someone who I know. There's just so much at stake here, we need to lay out some rules, I need to have some control over the situation."

She pouted indignantly, "Why do you need control?"

"Have you met me!" He bit one of Chang's lines; they had lived together for far too long, "And plus…Jeff Winger, 133, Annie Edison..." and he made an 'O' shape with his hand, "Zero…"

"133 now?" Annie asked quizzically.

"I've been to L Street a lot in the last few weeks, and on L Street I bat like .997." Jeff boasted, before realizing he should backpedal slightly, "Does that bother you?"

Annie bit her lip and lowered her eyes. To be honest, yes it did bother her just a little, but this is who Jeff was, and she knew the territory when she made the proposal; she offered herself a few weeks ago, and between then and now, there had been (at least) three additional women…but for some reason she wasn't outright disgusted by it; in fact she found it she felt quite the opposite of disgust about it; not turned on or jealous, it was an emotion she couldn't really define or process.

"Not enough to change my mind." She answered finally. "So what are these terms?"

He removed a series of colored flashcards from the pocket of his jacket and flipped through them briefly. She laughed quietly.

"Flashcards? I've been rubbing off on you it seems." She said insidiously.

"So it seems…" Jeff took another sip of coffee, "I have in my hand six terms, and if you want this to happen then you need to agree to every one of them."

Jeff was smart; most girls, upon seeing the flashcards and hearing the terms, or even seeing that there were flashcards and terms, would get up and walk right then and there. Not Annie, though; she liked rules and structure and order; she was one in a million. Considering that this was a situation that had to have a set of guidelines, it was a rarity; planning and preparedness would actually play into Jeff Winger's favor this time.

It was bound to happen once.

"O…kay." She said, perplexed and confused. He read from the first card, a magenta-colored one.

"Dear Annie; Congratulations, you are about to have sex with Jeff Winger, an experience you'll never forget and that nothing in your past or future will compare to…"

"Je-eff!" She stretched his name to 3 syllables adorably.

"Sorry, getting a little off track with the preamble there, but it will be awesome and nothing will compare to it, ever." He flipped to a yellow card, "Term One: No one in the study group can know about this, at least not yet…Because even though this was your idea, I imagine what will happen is that while you're crying in the corner, Shirley holds me down while Britta kicks me in the balls repeatedly. We can't have that happen."

"Simple but effective." She nodded in agreement; he flipped to a blue card.

"Term Two: I pick the soundtrack." He read, "You want your first time to be magical and special and memorable and I get that, but looking back in the future, if Bieber, or Gaga, or the Barenaked Ladies or some other artist that no one will remember in five years are blaring as I'm kissing every inch of your body, you'll think it's just a little bit dumb and trite."

"Still can't get over BNL, huh?" She pouted.

"They're terrible on their own, but if '_Enid' _comes on right in the middle I'll soften up like a Furby. We're doing this right; I've got a killer library on my iPod that'll be perfect."

"Who do you have?" She asked.

"And spoil the surprise? You'll have to wait and see." He flipped to a pink card; her favorite color, his favorite term.

"Term Three: You have to do what I say, and I get to do what I want." He said deadpan with a wry smile.

"What does that even mean?" She asked, seriously wanting to know.

"It means a few different things, Annie. I won't lie or hide anything; I'm all about power and dominance." Jeff said, but recoiled as Annie looked taken aback, "Not in a whips and leather type of way…I mean that I'm aggressive, furious and masculine…I take liberties and act on impulse. Even though I'll try my best not to hurt you...I can't guarantee you won't get knocked around a bit."

"I heard you have a thing for nipple play." She teased.

"Ask first." He parried back at her.

"Well you'll be leading the way, do what's most comfortable to you." She told him with understanding.

"But that's just it. You're a virgin, you're new at this." He said, "I'm not going to call you a Unicorn; you're more like a new car. When you get a new car you don't take it to the Autobahn and gun it around the track all day with zero miles on it…you take it on the interstate and ease into it…get used to the gears, the pedals, the electronics…the overall feel of the car, making sure everything works like its supposed to. Once you've put a few thousand miles on it, THEN you can ship it over to Germany so you can see what it can really do…"

"Alright…? What kind of car am I?" Annie questioned, loving Jeff's metaphor.

"I don't know…an Aston Martin DB9 painted in an inappropriate color like hot pink or canary yellow?" Jeff joked.

She reached across and gently palmed his face, but she still smiled.

"What? It's a really nice car." He laughed at her, "In spite of that, some things are going down, some things I like, and some things you like even if you don't know it yet. I want you to approach this with an open mind, leave your hangups at the door. Can you do that for me?"

Annie colored considerably, "Yeah, I can…but no Mexican Halloween…"

"If that is what I think it is, then its way too nasty for your first time." Jeff removed a green card, "Oh, and bring a hair elastic."

"Okay." She agreed, "Why a hair elastic?"

"It'll keep your hair out of your face, trust me it's more handy than you think."

He read from the green card. "Term Four: Once we're done, we don't cuddle, we don't have pillow talk and you don't leave a survey for me to fill out rating your performance; you shower and leave and wait at least a few days to call me."

"I was going to anyways…" Annie looked down, slightly upset as she said this…she had already put a few hours into a survey using a Likert rating, but she would have to leave it aside for another time. Old habits die pretty hard.

"Term Five: This happens at a time and place of my choosing." Jeff said with considerable charisma and confidence; Term four was the one he thought she might reject, but she seemed to accept it. This made him smile.

"I can agree to that, I spend most of my time reading and studying anyways. I won't be hard to reach." She blushed, "Where and when did you have in mind?"

"Well the place is my apartment; I have a California King and no roommates…the time? It could be right after lunch today; it could be 2:00 AM five weeks from now. The time, Annie, is when it's best for me." He removed the final card; it was white.

"Term Six: This…whatever it is and whatever it's going to be, at least right now, is not going to become a thing." And he pocketed the cards, obviously having remembered his speech, "We do this once, if you like it we can do it again whenever you want…but I won't lead you on and guarantee anything more than a casual friends-with-benefits thing will arise from it. I just want you to know that now."

"I understand, and I accept the terms." She said; a look of wild, wide-eyed lust glazed over her eyes, which Jeff noticed immediately.

"Good!" He said, sounding a little like she did when she was excited, which wasn't his intention and…yeah, she definitely noticed it, "Let's get some more coffee."

"Okay!" She giggled. For the rest of the lunch she seemed to be vibrating with excitement and anticipation in her chair.

_Two weeks later, Friday (June 12th)_

Jeff was lounging, watching the second inning of the Rockies game on ESPN on his couch, wearing joggers and a t-shirt, bum style. We all know Jeff Winger is all about dressing sharp, but that's only when he's going out of the house; he had no problem being a little sloppy when he was staying in.

It was about 7:15 PM on a Friday. Normally, he would have a few friends in his apartment, getting a pre-drink session on and readying for another night chasing the girls and the parties on L Street. Tonight, though he had received some calls to go out, he had told his friends that he would be staying in and relaxing, that he had a trying week at work (which he actually did). His phone sat face up on his coffee table beside a half-finished bottle of Yuengling. He slowly reached over to pick it up and sifted through his contacts, down just six names (passing Abed and Alex 'Starburns') to Annie E.

She answered after just two rings.

"Hello?" Her sweet voice chimed from the other end.

"Hey Annie, what are you up to?" Jeff asked with effervescent cool.

"Oh hi Jeff!" She practically squealed with glee; she knew why he was calling, "I'm just getting ready to go to Temple with my parents, and then after that I don't know…probably going over my notes for the test next week."

"Oh yeah? Temple hmm…" He teased, "I thought you were kind of a high-holiday only Jew…"

"You can say the whole word, you know!" She jested but also giggled, "And I was, but when I moved back home my parents said I can either pay rent and do whatever I want, or live rent free as long as I satisfied a few of their conditions…re-embracing the faith was one of them."

"That doesn't sound like you at all, being controlled like that…" Jeff astutely observed.

"No it doesn't, but you know I don't have a job, and they wanted $300 a month...it's a lot of money for me." She answered.

"Yeah…"

There was a brief moment of awkward silence between each of them, but Jeff was again the first to break it.

"Come over afterwards and we'll watch a movie together." He half-asked half-ordered; he assumed that she knew what this was code for.

He could hear her inhale sharply, "Yeah, no definitely. It might be late. My parents wouldn't approve of me going to hang out with a boy late on a Friday and they usually stay up for a few hours after Temple, but I don't have a curfew on the weekends."

"I'm staying in, just text me before you get here, okay?"

"Alright…I'll see you later, then." She said nervously.

"And Annie?"

"Mhmm?"

"Wear something sexy...intentionally sexy, not obliviously sexy like what you usually wear. I want to see skin." He smiled deviously as he said this, and was sure she could hear his smile through the phone line.

"Oh...I'm not really sure what I have aside from my normal clothes..." She answered truthfully...of course.

"Wearing an outfit like you normally wear will only open up a Pandora's box of perversions and scenarios that you aren't ready for...remember; I'm not taking you to the Autobahn."

She giggled mischievously, "Okay…later Jeff!"

"Bye." Jeff hung up the phone and placed it back on the coffee table and resumed watching the end of the game.

Over the next few hours Jeff had two more beers and watched the highlights on Sportscenter, content to be where he was; Friday night lounging with a pretty girl coming over later, life's so grand. He even got a text from his buddy Sebastian (Seabass), telling him to come to L Street because a cute, tiny blonde was asking about him. He took a second to realize that Britta was doing the Kerouac thing across western Canada and it couldn't have been her, before texting him back and telling him that he was feeling kind of sick; if it was Britta he would have gone out, but not to hook up with her, just to say hello and see how she was; much like last summer, there had been almost no contact between them.

Three hours after he talked to Annie, he lightly nodded off into a special nap as the TV blared highlights of the Nuggets playoff game.

His phone suddenly beeped, which jarred him from his slumber. He looked at the time; 11:33 PM, a text from Annie E.

**[Annie E.]** They're in bed, can I still come over?

**[Jeff] **Only if you wear something sexy.

A minute later she replied.

**[Annie E.]** Oh you'll see ;)

**[Jeff]** Can't wait.

**[Annie E.] **If you can still think of me as a little girl once you see the outfit I'm planning to wear then there is seriously something wrong with you :D

Jeff just wanted her to get over as quickly as she could, not to have some epic text convo and run the risk of saying something that changes her mind, or her saying something that turns him off. He ended the conversation simply…ASCII boobs.

**[Jeff]** ( . y . )

**[Annie]** Pop Pop!

He set the phone down again and rose to go to the bathroom. He looked in the mirror and saw that his hair was doing an extreme off-to-one-side thing that was too bedhead even for him and his breath was pretty rancid. A few minutes of smoothing and tooth-brushing rectified these problems, and just before he left he splashed a bit of Issey Miyake Eau de Toilette on his wrists and the front of his neck and resumed his seat on the couch.

Twenty minutes later, at nearly midnight he heard a faint knock at his door. His heart sped up as he looked over and rose. He smiled his winningest smile as he walked over and unlocked it before turning the handle.

"Hey…" He started, but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw not the beaming and excited, if not a little scared face of Annie but the stone-cold and scrutinizing Abed.

"Hello Jeff…" He said in his trademark monotone. Jeff did a hard backstep.

"Why are you here, Abed!" Jeff demanded, "You couldn't call?"

"My phone is either somewhere at Pierce's, or under the seats at the theater where I saw _Planet of the Apes_ on Wednesday." He answered coolly, "I just need to pick up my copy of _Apocalypse Now: Redux_. I'm having movie night tomorrow and Pavel hasn't seen it."

"So this couldn't wait until tomorrow?"

"I'm working the falafel stand from 12 until 8, there's no time." Abed answered rapid-fire.

Quicker than he usually moved, Jeff walked over to his TV, where the large DVD case of the overly-long version of the movie that was already too long sat. He opened it to make sure the disc was in the case, which it was; he had watched it a few days after Abed lent it to him. He walked back over and handed it to Abed without even looking at him.

Abed looked satisfied to hold it in his hands, "Cool…" He said as he lingered a little too long. Jeff smiled politely for a second but appeared to be antsy.

"So, you have your movie back…please go now." He motioned with his eyes down the hallway.

"You don't want to hang out? We haven't hung out in a while." Abed wondered aloud. Just as he did, he heard a 'Buzz!" from Jeff's phone, which he cast a look at quickly, but Jeff blocked him.

"I'd love to Abed, but I'm expecting some company."

"A lady?" Abed inquired, tilting his head.

"Yes Abed, a lady, and that's her."

"A new lady?" Abed inquired further.

"Yes Abed, a new lady..."

"Britta?" Abed peered deep into Jeff's eyes.

"Abed...Britta's not new, and it's not Britta." Jeff said impatiently, "Just some girl I met in Calculus."

"That's why you have that nice new cologne…Issey Miyake?"

Jeff never ceased to be amazed at Abed's perceptiveness, "…Nice guess."

"Okay. Will I see you for paintball on Sunday?"

"I got your invite, and yes, I will be there."

"Cool…cool cool cool…" Abed answered before turning, "See you, Jeff."

Jeff closed the door behind him as his phone buzzed once more. Without even reading her text, he reached over to pick up his phone and call Annie.

"Abed is in the building, hide!" He yelled into his phone when she answered on the first ring.

"Okay!" She replied and hung up before he could.

Jeff wasn't nervous or upset about this; of all the people in the group, Abed was the least judgmental and most likely would support him and Annie being together, even if just once…but still, as cool as he was about these things, his ability to keep a secret was mediocre at best.

It was better for everyone involved if he never knew why Annie was coming over at midnight on a Friday…even if the reason for that was plainly obvious to anyone with even a fraction of Abed's people-reading abilities.

In the parking lot of Jeff's complex, Annie put her phone in her purse and stalked to the side of the building, placing her back to the cold brick wall and surveying her environment like Solid Snake. After a quick second she heard the front door open, and though she didn't see his face, she instantly recognized Abed's robotic, mechanical gait as he walked forward towards the bus stop just down the street.

Just when he was fifty feet beyond the building and nearing the edge of the property, she thought she could come out, but she stopped and froze like a statue as he suddenly stopped walking and threw his nose into the air, taking in a few short sensory whiffs.

"Hmm...I know that fragrance…" She heard him say to himself as she huddled back around the corner; he must have caught a hint of her body spray. She saw him shake his head and shrug before continuing to walk. She waited until he vanished from sight before calling Jeff.

"Is he gone?" Jeff asked her without even a greeting.

"It looks like it." She replied.

"Alright, quickly now, I'll buzz you in."

"Okay."

Annie moved to the door just as Jeff set off the buzzer that unlocked it. She opened it and entered the cold fluorescent lights of the building and walked down the hall to the elevator. She got in and closed the doors quickly, riding to the second floor where Jeff's apartment was.

A few minutes later she stood by the front of his door and raised her hand to knock, but she stopped short before her hand rapped against the door. Yeah, this…Jeff and her, together, it was what she wanted…all she really wanted and the first thing she wanted in a while, but was she really ready for it?

She knew that her parents would hate Jeff, and all because of the age difference. She lied about where she was going, leaving a note on the kitchen counter that said '**Babysitting for Shirley, cell will be on, be back tomorrow - A', **but what did they really know?

Her mother was Israeli, but her father was French-Dutch, and they hadn't met through some well-conceived Temple group or some kind of kosher mixer or even through mutual friends; they met in California, where her mother was an aspiring model and her father was the photographer.

Her mom was 43 and her dad was 54...even they were eleven years apart, not at all different from her 20-year-old self and 33 year old Jeff.

Love isn't how old you are, what color your skin is or where you're from; it just is what it is, indefinable and coming when you least expect it, but that doesn't mean it isn't something real and valuable.

"_The heart wants what it wants when it wants it…" _She thought in her head, before finally settling on two quick, gentle knocks on the white door marked 203. Jeff took only a fraction of a second to answer; he must have been waiting by his door for her, no doubt to ensure that Abed had really and truly left.

When he saw her, his eyes expanded wide open and she swore she could see a small trickle of drool form on the corner of his mouth; this wasn't cutesy travel agent Annie or obliviously sexy schoolgirl Annie…hell, it wasn't even smoking hot post-workout Annie.

Propped up by three-inch heels, she was wearing a slinky black dress that frilled out at the bottom halfway between her hips and her knees and held to her shoulder with spaghetti straps, the dress was so tight and form-fitting that it was wearing her; this was sexed-up, ready for lovin' Annie. The neckline plunged down low enough to give Jeff and anyone else a dazzling view of her chest, and when he hugged her he felt the skin along her back down right to the small above her hips. She was wearing a small bolero jacket over it; perhaps because she was aware of the effect the dress was going to have on men, or perhaps because of the crisp air on this slightly chilly summer night.

"What do you think?" She asked with a small smile and a head turn.

"...Yeah." Jeff said in a low voice.

As he pulled her in, he caught a whiff of peachberry body spray over the clean smell of Dove soap. Her hair was slightly tousled and teased, something that she was clearly biting from Britta, but also something the she was pulling off with just as much effortless style; she looked amazing.

He almost felt like an idiot; here he was in blue track pants that said 'Columbia Law' (purchased online) and a ratty white Colorado Avalanche tee, while she was dressed like Audrey Hepburn in '_Breakfast at Tiffany's', _minus the jewels and the big hair.

"So, you still want to be treated like an adult?" He asked as she took off her heels.

"You know that I'm tired of people acting like I'm a little girl!" She pouted, an adorable effect considering that a little girl was the last thing she looked like in that dress.

"Trust me Annie, if you dressed like this more often, no one would think you're a little girl." Jeff was floored; he knew Annie was very attractive, but he was in no way expecting _this._

"It's fun to dress up." She said with a soft voice and a smile, "But it attracts a lot of the wrong type of attention so I don't really do it too often."

"Yeah, I can imagine that it does…"

After a few seconds of silence she walked over to him and stood on his feet to kiss him. He returned the kiss for only a second before gently pushing her back.

"Not just yet…" He assuaged her slight disappointment, "You mentioned that you have no curfew, so we have some time to relax a little. I have some really nice champagne in the kitchen, I'll get us some. This is a special occasion, after all."

"Yeah."

"Alright then. Why don't you sit down on the couch and watch some TV for a few minutes?"

"Okay!" She answered as she moved to the couch and sat, instantly grabbing the remote because she had no interest in watching Sportscenter.

Ten minutes later they were huddled on the couch side-by-side, Annie with her head on Jeff's shoulder and her hand on his chest as his arm was wrapped around her. She could feel that his heart was thumping, and it made her happy to see that Jeff wanted her as much as she wanted him. On the table two large, fluted glasses were just above half-filled with clear, bubbly yellowish champagne.

Jeff never skimped on his wine; he naturally preferred Scotch or beer, so when he went for wine, he always made sure to get the good stuff because it was almost always for someone he wanted to impress. As a former defense lawyer, he was lucky to have some friends in low places; this $300 bottle of Armand de Brignac was actually one of twelve in a case that was given to him as payment after it 'fell off of a truck' by a friend who Jeff had helped greatly with his counsel.

He even cleaned his apartment, removing his dirty clothes and bachelor clutter to make sure the place was a modicum of clean. He lit a few scented candles earlier which had been blown out just before Annie arrived to lift the smell of sweat, sex and dirty dishes that perpetually lingered in the air.

This was all for Annie; she wanted it to be a special night that she would remember forever, and he wanted to ensure that she wasn't let down. If he was getting just one shot, he was damn sure going to see that it was done right.

Approximately one hour and one _Law & Order_ rerun later, the wine was finished and he and Annie were huddled super-close together on his couch. As the ending credits rolled, Jeff reached to the coffee table and turned off the TV, but not before catching a look at the menu display; it was almost 1 AM. He looked down at Annie, her face was a bright red from both the wine and her desire.

"So…" He said slowly in the quiet apartment.

"So…" She responded.

Mere seconds later, she lunged at him, her lips capturing him and almost pushing him back, which was a shock to him; that someone so small and fragile could almost knock him over. He could taste the bubbleberry on her lips as her tongue and his tongue massaged against each other, and he could hear gentle breaths and moans escaping her lips.

When they stopped for a quick second he reached his hand down her back and with one arm he scooped her up onto his lap, so she was now straddling him. She emitted a shocked giggle as he did this; he was so strong. He moved in to gently suck on her neck and her collarbone, and damned if the gentle, high moan she made in response wasn't one of the sexiest things he'd ever heard.

They continued to kiss for a while before breaking away from each other with her on her back and him on top of her. It felt like they were kissing for just a second, but really it had been almost half an hour according to the clock on Jeff's PVR. Jeff's skin felt hot, and Annie was flushed a dark red, her eyes were unfocused and wild.

"Wanna to go to bed?" He asked.

"Yes." She responded, before leaning in to gently suck on his neck. For someone who came off so repressed all the time, Annie had extremely good technique. He reached down and placed both of his hands under the fleshy part of her butt and stood up, picking her up with him as she wrapped her legs around his midsection. He could feel the heat emanating from her groin as he walked towards his room, carrying her as she continued to nibble on his neck and ears.

Other than the massive bed, some lamps, a night table and an armoire, Jeff's bedroom was very minimalist. When he reached the door, he gently threw Annie back, where she landed on the bed and emitted a joyous squeal as she bounced off the mattress. From her hands and knees, her perfect, full breasts were revealed at their potential as a few loose, curly strands of hair partly covered her face. She regarded him with a look of lust that could rouse a man from a thirty-year coma.

"Music." He said gently as he turned back to the armoire, which had his iPod set into a Bose iPod dock. He hit 'Play' and instantly they both heard the gentle guitar rhythms of _Samba Pa Ti _from the surprisingly good speaker system, and he watched for a second as Annie closed her eyes and lost herself in the sound. Just after he did this, he lit one of the scented candles that stood on either side of the music. After this he smiled at her and walked towards the bed, placing his arms on either side of her as he leaned in to take her kiss. He pushed himself back so that he was on top of her.

Three hours later they both lay there, side by side, naked, sweaty and wholly gratified in the twist of Jeff's 300-count Egyptian cottons. Jeff had one hand behind his head and looked towards the ceiling with a smile. He caught a glance at his alarm clock; it was 4:15 AM. He could feel the tickle of Annie's dark, curled hair against his chest as she placed her head next to his heart. Her whole body was colored a faded red and was covered with beads of sweat, her breathing was deep and contented. He looked down at her finally with a smile.

This was not your typical 'wham-bam, thank-you-ma'am, now leave, there's the door' thing. Jeff took his time, explored her body, was gentle but forceful...or at least he started out that way. He only reverted to his original form when he saw how much that Annie was enjoying the passion and the fury of his lovemaking.

She smelled like roses and tasted like heaven-sent ambrosia, but she loved hard and with insatiable zeal; a reckless abandon and a healthy sense of inquisitiveness that belied her over-the-top innocence and conservative nature. He was happy to discover that he had been right all along in his assumptions about Annie; beneath her prudish, straight-laced exterior, there was a bad girl in there who was elated to have finally been released from her cage.

"…Wow…" She said between breaths, "That was even better than I imagined it would be."

"You've thought about it before?" He asked.

"Honestly?" She said as she looked her tired but still brilliant blue eyes into his, "Every day."

"Hmm…" Jeff sighed to himself and smiled. He also enjoyed the experience immensely, and with how red her skin was and how many times she came, he knew that it was something that she'd treasure forever…and likely something she'd want to do again. He placed his right arm around her, his hand coming to rest just above the small of her back.

There was a few seconds of silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable. Annie took this moment to lunge at him, frantically kissing his lips again; she tasted so sweet that it was hard to push her away.

"Again!" She begged.

"Tomorrow." He said soothingly, gently pushing her back. He needed at least four hours to recharge.

"I guess I can come back in the early afternoon…" She rose, as naked as the day she was born and in the dark Jeff could only see the faint outlines of her feminine curves as she reached over to find her dress (on the lamp in the far corner of the room, 20 points). He placed himself up on his right elbow and watched her for a second as something gnawed at the back of his neck…guilt? What had this girl done to him?

The answer is simple; she made him grow a soul...or at least helped him find the one that he had once lost.

"_Dammit…_" he thought; he couldn't just send her out into the night, alone, tired, confused and dehydrated. Annie wasn't like Britta and most of the other women he dated, she was young and impressionable…inexperienced. She trusted people, what if something happened to her on her way home? Jeff could never live with himself.

"Annie…"

She looked over at him, "Yes?"

"It's late…stay…unless you have to be back for the Sabbath or something."

"My family observes the Sabbath from Saturday night to Sunday morning." She replied.

"Okay...get back over here."

She squealed and practically jumped for joy, before joining him back on the bed. She placed her head in the crook of his arm, and together they breathed, slowly and quietly. Jeff realized that he could probably get used to this.

A moment later his phone buzzed; an incoming text. Without even moving from his comfortable position he reached over Annie to his night table and grabbed it, unlocking the keypad. It was a text from Troy that had been sent an hour earlier; Jeff set his phone to alert him of a text by buzzing every thirty minutes, no wonder he hadn't heard it before; for the last three hours, he was making Annie squeal louder than a Muse concert.

His neighbors were sure to complain...and this time he wasn't totally sure that they'd buy his usual 'I was watching the WTA with the volume high.' line, which surprisingly almost always worked...but you know what? He didn't care.

**[Troy] **Hey buddy. Abed keeps bugging me, he wants to know if someone in your complex uses peachberry body spray?

Jeff laughed quietly.

"What is it?" Annie asked, looking up at him. He passed her the phone and showed her the text, and the strangest thing happened; instead of being suddenly scared and upset, Annie just giggled and handed it back to him.

"That crazy Abed." She said softly.

"You don't have to tell me." Jeff agreed, kissing her lovingly on the forehead. He drummed up a quick message.

**[Jeff]** I don't know, Troy. Go to sleep.

It was a night of firsts for the both of them. Annie had obviously lost her virginity, but it also marked the first time she felt comfortable with her sexuality, comfortable in her own skin, comfortable enough to be naked in the presence of another.

For Jeff it was the first time that, after sleeping with a woman and letting her spend the night, he was looking forward to falling asleep together as much as he was looking forward to going for round two in the morning. The two of them fell into a deep, satisfied sleep.

_finir._


	4. Epilogue

**Big ups to Wikipedia for getting me the names of several minor characters.**

4) Epilogue

_Sunday...Pistol Pete's Paintball Pandemonium! (and UNESCO World Heritage Site)_

_**Blue Team:**_

Abed (Captain)

Troy (Second-in-Command)

Jeff

Chang

Professor Duncan

Professor Whitman

Joey (White Abed)

Jenny Adams

Buzz (Comedy Club)

Derek (Comedy Club)

_**Red Team::**_

Annie (Captain)

Pierce (Second-in-Command)

Neil

Starburns

Magnitude

Paige (Lesbian Britta)

Joshua the racist groundskeeper

Coach Bogner

Professor Garrity

Linda (Comedy Club)

**(Ed. Note: I would pay good money to be on a paintball team with Coach Bogner, Starburns, Magnitude and Professor Garrity)**

_**Unable to Attend:**_

Britta (Out of town)

Shirley (Baby)

Andre (Baby)

Gobi Nadir (Work)

Special Agent Robin Volhers (In DC with the Vice President)

Dean Pelton ('Unspecified Engagement')

Professor Bauer (In the Congo)

Leonard (Trying to reconcile with Grandchildren)

Garrett (Allergic to almost everything in the woods)

Vicky (Babysitting)

Dr. Rich (In South America)

Professor Tavares (On vacation in Italy)

Officer Cacowski (Work)

Nurse Jackie (Spending time with his family)

Professor Sheffield (Recently had heart surgery)

Pavel (Sick)

Annie was skulking through the woods alone, stealthy in her camouflage-colored sweater and black pants with a red headband tied around her right wrist. Her pistol was drawn and held beside her temple, while her sidearm was holstered at her waist.

This time, unlike the last two times, the game was actually a lot of fun; of course it was, because unlike the last two games, there really wasn't anything at stake...no priority registration, no end-of-the-year barbecues, no Jeff and Britta having sex on the study table...Annie tried to place that thought out of her mind as quickly as she could.

No, this was a fun game; the study group (minus Shirley, she was taking care of the baby, and Britta, who was in Vancouver), a few outsiders and even some Greendale faculty, just shooting the hell out of each other on a beautiful day in the woods...it was a lot of fun.

Abed made the teams when everyone arrived an hour earlier, and these woods were huge so no last-man-standing, it was team play; after three hours a siren will sound ending the game, and the team with the most remaining men left wins. Her and Jeff had been placed on different teams, and she didn't really know how she felt about this; sad because she couldn't be with Jeff, or happy because Abed sees everything and she has quite a few tells? It was somewhere in between, she wanted to be teamed up with him, but it's too early for the group to find out about them.

After sleeping with Jeff for the first time, she was shocked that he had let her stay the night, but it was a good kind of shock; like when you put your money into the vending machines in the cafeteria and you get two candy bars instead of one. They had sex again in the morning (and it hurt about ten times less than the first time), then Jeff took her for breakfast, and they had sex one more time when they got back (and it was starting to feel _really_ good); he commented that she was getting better and better at it and she countered by gently slapping him on the shoulder. Since her parents sounded controlling and judgmental, he made sure to let her take a shower and brush her teeth before she left.

She had to call her parents and tell them that her and Shirley were going for lunch, which they accepted...but her ruse forgot to account for one thing; why exactly had she done her hair and worn a sexy black dress if she was just going out for lunch with a Christian housewife? Her mother screamed at her until she was almost in tears, calling her a whore and a strumpet, but her lie of unwillingly getting set up on a blind date by Shirley seemed to hold water, and her mother apologized profusely once Annie assured her that nothing funny had happened.

She was actually planning to go over to his place after the game and anticipated post-game drinks today. This time she let her parents know that the paintball game was an all-day affair and that she was staying in the dorms with Abed (Mr. and Mrs. Edison have met Abed numerous times and they love him...they also know that he's Abed and trust him around their young daughter).

She stalked along the edge of a small ravine with a narrow creek at the bottom. Annie loved the summertime; it was warm, the birds and the flowers were out and everything just kind of moves slower...but most of all, there's something about the way that the air smells in the evening that she really loves; like rain and perfume, it was magical.

She followed the ravine to where the creek ended at a medium-sized clearing...she knew she had to be careful, somewhere out there was Chang and his scope. She stopped at the edge and looked forward; everything seemed so perfect and Disney-like; a hummingbird flitted about just a few feet from her, looking for nectar, a few Monarch butterflies hovered in the air and bird-calls rang and resonated throughout the clearing, but the center of the action was right near the middle of the field; a Doe, regal and elegant, standing over a white-spotted fawn that struggled to rise to its feet. She smiled and let out a silent 'Aww!'.

As she let herself get lost in the serenity of the woods, she felt a cold piece of plastic press gently against her temple, and her eyes widened in fear.

"Nice little scene, isn't it?" She heard a familiar male voice in her ear, feeling its hot breath against her neck. A rush of color flowed to her face. As if set up, the deer both ran from the scene.

"Oh come on, Jeff!" She turned to face him. He looked amazing, as always; a tight, green camo tee shirt and dark blue jeans that flowed all the way down to his large black boots, and his face was decorated with that typical cocky but wry smile. Now that she had seen him naked, she would never be able to look at him the same way again, and he knew it, seeing her face flush and her pupils dilate to twice their normal size. A small, blue headband was tied around his left bicep.

"Yeah, that's right...I set up the animals, and I followed you to the clearing." He said abruptly. She narrowed her eyes.

"Really...the animals?"

"You didn't see the fawn wink at me?"

"No, I didn't."

"Well it did!" Jeff joked back. A second passed between them.

"I think they're cute." She said; of course she did.

"Yeah...Drop your gun."

Annie complied, and a moment of deafening silence happened between them before Annie spoke.

"So what...you're just going to take out an unarmed, innocent girl like this?" She said formidably.

"Unarmed, yes, but innocent? Objection!" He asked askew; he loved using his lawyer-speak. "On Saturday, some of the things you not only allowed, but _requested_, would make Charlie Sheen blush."

"Irrelevant!" Annie answered defiantly, "And you liked it!"

"I'd actually say I loved it, but I'm roaming." she smiled coquettishly as he answered.

Jeff looked away, not quite sure what to think; this was a fun game, after all...no prizes, just a group of friends hanging out...and he really liked the way she looked in those pants.

He hesitated long enough for her to remove her sidearm faster than a serpent's strike. Now it was the two of them; Annie's pink pistol and Jeff's blue one, within inches of each other's faces.

"Really Annie?" He asked with dry sarcasm.

"You know I don't mess around." She replied.

"I know that, but what I mean is...really Annie? We're going to do this Mexican Standoff thing?"

"If you let me shoot you we can do that Mexican Halloween thing."

"Yeah, I'll pass on that." He said calmly, "I looked on Urban Dictionary, and not only do I not have a Lucho mask, but shouting 'Trick or treat!' at the moment of orgasm sounds kind of stupid. And besides, we all know how this is going to go down; we're pointing our guns at each other like this...but I'm a lot stronger than you are, so your arm is going to get tired and eventually you'll have to lower your weapon."

They intensely held each others eyes for almost a minute before Jeff noticed Annie's arm starting to tremble. Jeff seized the day and gently, but firmly grabbed her wrist and held her arm up over his shoulder. He pulled her in for a hard, intense kiss as he squeezed the trigger, sending her rounds harmlessly into the trees behind him.

When the gun was empty they separated and it fell listlessly from her hand. She pulled him back in for another kiss; this one lasted for a few minutes, and she had pushed his back up against a large tree.

"I'm not wearing panties..." She whispered seductively into his ear.

"You are learning entirely too much from Britta." Jeff snarked back, as he leaned in to kiss her soft lips again. His hands roamed up and down her taut, nubile body as they continued to kiss for a few more minutes, their kisses slowly getting deeper and more passionate.

"Take me!" She ordered.

"Here!" Jeff asked incredulously.

"Yes!", and she kissed him hard again. He felt her tiny hands trying to work their way past his belt and into the front of his pants.

"Aren't you coming over later?" He said between her assaults on his mouth and groin.

"I don't care...I want you right here, right now..."

He was really struggling to resist the situation, and his mind was slipping into sex mode, "We're in the game, Annie."

She stopped as she realized that he was right as they broke apart, but her eyes flashed just for a quick second; Jeff knew that face; she had an idea. She ducked down to grab the gun Jeff had made her drop, and reached to grab his. Quickly and ruthlessly, she shot Jeff with the pink pistol, leaving a red blob of paint on his stomach, and shot herself in the leg with the blue pistol, leaving a blue mark.

"Now we're out of the game." She said breathlessly.

"I've created a monster..." Jeff said with a smile as she leaned in to kiss him again.

"How does it look out there, General?" Abed asked Troy, who was looking through a large set of powerful binoculars.

"Well, I can see Chang has set up shop in a large oak tree two hundred meters due southwest, and it looks like...yeah that would be Pierce and Starburns, about to walk into his..."

He saw as Chang unloaded a full clip of paintballs, almost covering the two wayward men from head to toe in blue paint. A faint but audible 'El Tigre CHINO! The ULTIMATE ambush predator!' was heard resonating in the distance. A flock of birds retreated into the air from the adjacent trees.

Abed and Troy had taken control of an old spy tower that was built amidst several low-lying buildings. In addition to being a paintball battlefield (and inexplicably also a UNESCO World Heritage Site), the land that Pistol Pete's stood on had served as a training facility for the army during the Korean War; many of the old buildings strewn about the woods used to be barracks, and were now integrated into the arena.

"Where's Winger?" Abed asked as Troy continued to survey the battlefield.

"Last I saw he was heading parallel to the ravine in the north and...wait...is that...? OH MY GOD!" Troy said in a pure state of shock.

"What do you see?" Abed asked as he rushed to Troy's side.

Troy looked through the binoculars again, just to make sure that his mind wasn't messing with him, and sure enough he saw it; it looked like a light-colored rock...but it moved. When it moved, a mass of delicate brown hair moved with it, and underneath the canopy of that delicate brown hair were two faces that he knew very well; one was the soft, gentle face of Annie Edison...and the other was the striking but also somewhat feminine face of Jeff Winger, and as their lips connected, he saw one of Jeff's large hands move to the side of her face. He made the same shocked, slightly scared face he did when he met LeVar Burton.

"Let me take a look." Abed said calmly as he grabbed the binoculars from Troy and looked to the north. He saw it too; Jeff and Annie...naked...together.

"Wow, he cleans up during paintball games..."

"It all makes sense now...the menstrual cycles, the peachberry spray, the way she's loosened up lately..." Abed said as he lowered the binoculars from his eyes and passed them back to Troy, "We shouldn't be looking at this."

"Yeah...you're right." Troy said slowly...but even as he did, as if drawn by reverse gravity, he felt his left hand slowly but steadily raising the binoculars back to his face.

"Troy, are you still there?" Abed asked as Troy continued to spy on Jeff and Annie. He lowered the binoculars and turned to Abed, who saw that he had a slightly disconcerted look on his face.

"Is everything alright?" Abed said.

"It's just...I REALLY should have hit that when I had the chance." He said with remorse.

"Yes, you really should have." Abed said coldly.

"Dude, not the answer I was looking for. I regret not noticing her every day..."

"I'm sorry, I'm not good at that." Abed said, "But Annie was in love with you...and she's not the type of girl you just fool around with. Sure, you would have gotten to sleep with her and it probably would have been lots of fun, but in the end it would have failed; she would have wanted more than you could have given her, and she'd end up hating you for it."

"Yeah..." Troy removed his phone from his front pocket.

"What are you doing?" Abed asked quizzically.

"I'm going to text Jeff and tell him that I can see his wiener." He answered quickly, but Abed reached over stealthily and grabbed the phone, "Hey!"

"Troy, this isn't any of our business." He said slowly, "Jeff, while he acts all cool and like nothing phases him, would be furious and embarrassed if you did that, he has a fragile ego and he doesn't like to be judged...not saying that you or I would judge, in fact I think it kind of works, but you know that Britta and Shirley would. Annie is almost the opposite; young, precocious, child-like in appearance and demeanor."

"We have different definitions of 'child-like', how many children do you know with a D-cup?" Troy jested.

"I go shopping with her the odd time, they're actually C's...pretty nice." Abed continued, "If I had to guess, she made the first move here, and if the group finds out they're just going to assume that Jeff took advantage of her because of her youthful naivete...and she really doesn't like it when we do that."

Troy looked satisfied with Abed's logic. "Yeah, you're right..." He turned his binoculars to the south, "Magnitude coming in from the south."

Abed raised his pistol and ducked, looking south through one of the ramparts. Once his gun was pointed precisely at the young one-man party, he squinted. With his pistol trained on him, he fired three rapid, successive shots, closing his eyes as he squeezed the trigger.

"You got him." Troy answered, seeing Magnitude stagger back as his black and purple cardigan was now stained with blue paint.

"Pop pop indeed, Magnetic Attitude..."

Jeff and Annie sat up together in unison; her eyes were glazed over and her skin was flushed from head to toe, while all the color was drained from his face, except for the whites of his teeth, revealed in a wholly satisfied smile.

"You're never going to stop surprising me." He said in a breathy voice to Annie who was beside him.

"Maybe you're just so good I don't want to stop surprising you." She said softly as she leaned in to kiss him while simultaneously pulling the cups of her bra back in place.

"What time is it?"

Annie looked at her watch, "The game should end in about five minutes, we should probably get back to the base camp...separately!"

"So we can be more reproductive?" He said with a laugh, she pouted and gently punched him.

"Do you think anyone saw anything?" She asked nervously; in spite of how liberated and carefree she had been in the last few days, Jeff was glad to know that in there, a part of her still remained intact.

"Who cares?" He said as he leaned in to kiss her.


End file.
